Partnered Relationship Therapy - Secrets vs Privacy

Therapy for people who are in a relationship together might be called different things

• Couples Therapy

• Intimate Partner Therapy

• Relationship Therapy

• Partnered Therapy

Regardless of that we call it, the main feature is that there is more than one person who comes to the therapy sessions.

Because of this - we have to set up the rules around consent, confidentiality & privacy slightly differently.

Ideally in partnered relationship therapy, I won't be in a situation where I have information about one partner that another partner doesn't know - this is because I'm working to support the relationship, not one person or another. However this does sometimes happen, and below you will find some of the guidelines I follow to reduce the likelihood of this occurring, or the impact if it does occur.

Who will come to the sessions

At the beginning of the work, we will agree if 1, 2, or more people are going to be involved in the therapy. The same people will attend every session, and I won't be able to go ahead with a session if one person is missing (due to illness, scheduling issues, etc.).

The exception to this is when we agree 1x individual session per partner, as part of the initial assessment process.

If I can't go ahead with the planned session because someone was missing, I will send a message out to all partners to check-in and to confirm our next session.

Communicating with each other

I will agree a contact method and email address for all partners at the start of the therapy. I will always send any emails or replies to all partners' email addresses. This includes if I'm replying to an email sent by only one partner.

Sharing information that I have

If I do end up holding information that one or more partners doesn't know, and there is a reasonable expectation that they should know, I will encourage the person who told me to share the information as soon as is reasonably possible. This will often be within one of our relationship therapy sessions.

This is sometimes known as a no secrets approach. The idea behind this is there shouldn't be a knowledge imbalance, where I know information about someone in the therapy, before they know it themself. Also, it can undermine the goal of the therapy - which includes open & honest communication.

Privacy exception

The main exception to this is private information that someone shares with me about themself or their past. This will generally be information that doesn’t have a bearing on the relationship or the issue(s) being discussed in the therapy

Safety exception

There is also an exception where sharing the information would put the safety of one or more people at risk.

In the case of both of these exceptions, I would be talking it through with the person to explore the impact of sharing the information vs. keeping it private.

TL;DR Summary

• Secrets can be detrimental to the process of partnered relationship therapy

• I will aim to be transparent about what information I'm holding about the relationship, during the therapy

• Each partner has the right to keep their private information private, as long as this doesn't have a negative impact on the goal we're trying to reach in therapy

Find out more about partnered relationship therapy or partnered psychosexual therapy with me here: https://www.rebeccawilsongreen.com/psychosexual-therapy